Sabrina Chap and the Dirtiest Song Ever

Best.  Dr.  Sketchy’s.  Ever.

Before we get into everything, I’m going to tell you a Sabrina Chap-related story for no other reason than your entertainment.  Sabrina performed at the Palace of Wonders the Friday and Saturday night before our session, so Sunday afternoon she took the train up to Baltimore (in the same car as Ron Jeremy, no less) to give a talk at Red Emma’s and pose for Dr. Sketchy’s.  After meeting her at Penn Station and depositing her keyboard in our apartment, we followed her to Red Emma’s where she, being the talented woman of many hats that she is, gave a talk about a collection of essays she edited on self-destruction among creative women, Live Through This: On Creativity and Self-Destruction, with contributors from Bell Hooks to Annie Sprinkle to Hothead Paisan author Diane Dimassa.

Afterward, as is often the case, we thought a beer was called for (though I think Alexis had something with an umbrella in it) and headed down the street to the Hippo.  Upon entering, we drew the attention of probably the creepiest fellow I’ve ever seen.  The guy was obviously 3,482 sheets to the wind, had a scraggly beard that stuck out in all directions, unblinking googily eyes, a stare that could knock a nun out cold with its intent, and a lack of personal-space consciousness that honestly brought to mind too many marathons of Law & Order : SVU.

In other words, he got way up in our Kool-Aid.  I swear, if I find a photo of this fellow, I’m posting it and libel be damned.  Anyway, without a word, he plants himself within biting distance of Alexis and Sabrina.  I unfortunately failed in my boyfriend duties and noticed nothing, being distracted by a drunk friend-of-a-friend who had similar personal space issues involving my ass.  Sabrina was on top of it though and told the scraggly beard guy to buzz off.

He didn’t.  Stronger words were used, and after some confusion, I became aware of what was going on and we physically shoved him away from us, in theory resolving the issue.  He never said a word the entire time, but he did add some creepy finger-sucking toward the end, and settled onto a bar stool several seats behind Sabrina.

So, crisis averted, we relaxed with our beer and started our conversation of (this is paraphrased, mind you), “So, this is Baltimore!  At the moment, we’re in Mount Vernon, which is pretty much the center of —”

At this moment, chaos erupted as crazy-creepy-bearded guy whipped out his YOUKNOWWHAT, and attempted to hose everything and everyone in sight with pee.

Yes, I know Sabrina was a kick-ass model.  Yes, I know Sabrina was a kick-ass singer.  But what you didn’t know was that she’s apparently part ninja.  Little did I know, she’d been keeping a wary eye on crazy-creepy-bearded guy in the mirror and, with the reflexes of only someone about to be peed upon, dived out of the flight-path of  crazy-creepy-bearded-peeing guy’s water pistol.

Thankfully, two tight-shirted muscled bouncers grabbed the fellow and dragged him backward out the front door, still spraying like a burst fire hydrant.

Now, here’s the point of all this.  Baltimore has a bad reputation.  We all know it. When Viola Vixen of Brisbane, Australia posed for us, she told us her father had seen The Wire and was worried about her coming here.  We’re one of the car-theft capitals for the entire country.  Heroin, crack, and AIDS are more prevalent on our streets than newspaper boxes.


BUT, for the love of God, can we have an out-of-town guest to our fair city, the city that BELIEVES, without someone TRYING TO PEE ON THEM AS SOON AS THEY GET HERE?

[clears throat]  Okay, that’s off my chest now.  Sabrina Chap, writer, performer, part-ninja, was amazing.

Our first contest of the evening was, as always, the opposite hand contest, where if you’re right-handed you draw with your left, if you’re left-handed you draw with your right, and if you’re ambidextrous you’re “that guy who ruins it for everyone”.  The two winners won a mystery concoction from Russell—they seem to be getting bigger, scarier, and tastier with each session.

For the second contest, we asked our artists to illustrate Sabrina’s songs as she played for them. Sabrina played three, two of which were from her album (which a lot of folks ended up purchasing).  The third song, which had only been written 2 weeks previous, had to be The.  Dirtiest.  Song.  Ever.

Take a listen.

Honestly, listen to it.  Anyways, I don’t think I’ve laughed that hard in years.  All discipline broke down in the room and all drawing pretty much stopped as we all probably collectively lost ten years off our lives from loss of oxygen to their brains due to wheezed laughter.

John Brewer

Bryce Homick

The winner got a Mini-Rooz Munny (third from the left) from our generous sponsor Atomic Books, which is at 3620 Falls Rd., just right off the Avenue.

Bryce Homick

Since we were in the gutter anyway, we figured we might as well stay there, so the next contest was best depiction of Ron Jeremy in an Amtrak commercial (as a nod to Sabrina’s fellow Amtrak passenger), with the winner getting a watercolor pad from Artist & Craftsman Supply, which is on the corner of North & Howard, just down the block from the Windup.

Brian Dugan

Our last contest of the evening was the tried-and-true “random noun” contest where people in the crowd call out random nouns until we find something sufficiently disturbing on which to base a contest. The noun for this session was ostrich.

Brian Dugan

The winner received Symptomatica by Ragnar from Baby Tattoo Books, who also run the L.A. branch of Dr. Sketchy’s, if you didn’t know.

Here’s a couple more drawings from the night . . .

John Brewer

Bryce Homick

Mike Hasson

Special thanks to Sabrina Chap for modeling and performing for us (and apologies for almost getting you peed on).  Thanks also go to our wonderful sponsors Atomic Books, Artist & Craftsman Supply, and Baby Tattoo Books for helping make this happen, and thanks as well to Bill for filming the Dr. Sketchy’s Baltimore documentary and guarding the door against the menacing pillow lady who wants all our beer, Jeff for providing the stunning photos you see above, Russell for tending bar and letting us use his amazing space, and to everyone who showed up to draw on Monday—we’re pretty sure you could take any other branch’s crowd in a fist fight any day of the week.

Our next Dr. Sketchy’s is March 8th with the lovely alternative fashion model, Nori Zay.

Photo by Sean Baker

Then, after that, we’ll have a special session of Dr. Sketchy’s on March 12th with Sugar Ann Spice and L’il Dutch at the G40: The Summit, an art exhibition at 223 23rd St., Arlington, VA 22202.

WAIT, two Dr. Sketchy’s in one week?  Yep, check out Art Whino website and we’ll give you some more info in a little bit.

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