Shit Sabrina Chap says.

January 30th’s session with Sabrina Chap was one of our top attended sessions of all time.  Really, it’s not surprising.  In the spirit of openness, I should probably say upfront that Sabrina is one of our favorite people ever.  She’s smart, she’s funny, she’s pretty, and a fucking ninja when it comes to dodging arcs of pee from drunkards.  The last time she posed for us, she hadn’t been in the city (for the first time ever, mind you) two hours before some blitzed guy sitting at the bar in the Hippo whipped out his whatsit and tried to take her out.

Did I tell this story the last time I blogged about a Sabrina session?  Probably.  I’m not going to bother to look.  In any case, with her back turned, she dodged it like it was nothing.  Remember that scene in Resident Evil 2 with the hallway filled with lasers?  It was like that.

In any case, whenever we’re in NYC, we try to meet her for a beer – sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. The point is, of all the various interesting things to do in NYC, “a beer with Sabrina” is always on the list, regardless of what cockamamie thing is going on.

Oh, and she can sing.  She sings real good. Here, take a listen.

The album that’s from, Oompa!, is honestly one of my favorite CDs.

You should go buy it.

So . . . how was the drawing?  It’s Sabrina, you don’t even need to ask.

1 & 2-minute poses.

Cecilia Strakna

Tim Kelly

Tim Kelly

Susan Moore

Tim Kelly

Cecilia Strakna

J. F. Schloman

Danielle Mascioli

Tim Kelly

Everyone ran to the bar and the powder room for a minute, and then we jumped into the 5-minute poses, the first of which was the non-dominant hand contest.  If you’re right-handed you draw with your left, if you’re left-handed you draw with your right, and if you’re ambidextrous, you—SQUIRREL!

The two winners received a mysterious concoction from Russell behind the bar.

Tim Kelly

J. F. Schloman

Kat Parker

Cecilia Strakna

Cecilia Strakna

Edward Williams

Cecilia Strakna

Tim Kelly

Another quick break and then it was time for a musical interlude.  I already showed you the first song—here’s another, the title track from her latest album, We Are the Paradewhich you should definitely also buy:

 

It was then time for the 10-minute poses. The first one was a contest, the theme being “Shit Baltimoreans Say”.  The two winners received either Sterling Hundley’s Blue Collar / White Collar from Atomic Books in Hampden, or a pair of stockings from What Katie Did.

J. F. Scholman

Cecilia Strakna

Kat Parker

Cecilia Strakna

Tim Kelly

Edward Williams

J. F. Schloman

Next up were the 20-minute poses, the first of which was the last contest of the evening.  The contest was the best incorporation of MacGyver, since it was Richard Dean Anderson’s birthday.  The winner received Ragnar’s The Art of the Big City from Baby Tattoo Books.

Danielle Mascioli

Kat Parker

Tim Kelly

Susan Moore

Katy Clark

Tim Kelly

Kat Parker

And that was a wrap for our first session of 2012! [Kermit the Frog arm-waving YAAAAAYYYYY!]

Bubbling thanks to Sabrina Chap who came all the way from NYC; thanks to our wonderful sponsors Atomic Books, Flying Dog Brewery, and Baby Tattoo Books; thanks to Russell for slinging drinks and booze; thanks to Jeff for the photos above; and thanks to Alexis emceeing the thing.

Who’s next?

Sweet Jesus, I’m getting the vapors.

[Aaron, that doesn’t mean what I think you think it means.—Alexis]

Don’t know if you know this, but besides being a burlesque and go-go performer, Candy is one half of the amazing photography duo that is Stereo Vision.  A lot of our best flyers were created using photos they’ve taken.  Reverend Valentine’s being the first that comes to mind—and there’s dozens of others.

She’s going to do a half-time performance for you too.  Bring your EpiPen if you’re allergic to, you know, HOTNESS.

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So what are you doing Saturday?

Lots of great things going on this weekend folks, check out the calendar for a full list, but here’s quick peek at two things happening Saturday night.  Sabrina Chap, who modeled for us a few weeks ago, and Paco Fish will be performing at the Ottobar along with Trixie Little & Evil Hate Monkey and others AND Dutch Oven Burlesque is having it’s two year anniversary down at the Palace of Wonders with L’il Dutch who modeled for you at G40.

Decisions, decisions!  You won’t go wrong with either. 🙂

Saturday, March 20th, 2010

HANKY SPANKY!
The Ottobar
2549 N. Howard St.
Baltimore, MD
www.theottobar.com
Price: $10/$13

A randy and ribald variety show starring the award winning masters of shenanigans: Trixie Little & The Evil Hate Monkey! The absolutely most thrilling night of over-the-top, side-splitting, eye-popping, mind-blowing, right-before-your-eyes live entertainment EVER.

Starring
TRIXIE LITTLE & THE EVIL HATE MONKEY
Pretty and Primitive.

Hosted by COUSIN ROOSTER
NYC’s Hilarious Hillbilly and Trick Roper

With Special Guests…

EKATERINA THE GREAT
Russia’s Lovely Long-Legged Contortionist

Baltimore’s Boylesque Bandit- PACO FISH

AND SABRINA CHAP- Rowdy Ragtime Revelry

Saturday, March 20th, 2010

DUTCH OVEN BURLESQUE – 2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY SHOW!

TWO SHOWS!! 9:30PM & 11:30PM

Price: $10

It’s a miracle!! Dutch Oven Burlesque celebrates its 2-YR ANNIVERSARY with TWO SHOWS in one night! First at 9:30, second at 11:30!

How much eye make-up can run down your face before ya shout HALLELUJAH!? Come let our televangical tassles heal you …
Master of Ceremonies – NY’s Neil O’Fortune
Starring:
*The celestial Clams Casino
*Services by the Rev. Valentine
*The Charm City Saint Kay Sera
*DC’s devil in disguise L’il Dutch
*The angelic vocals of Kitty LaVoix
*Satan’s little helper as stage kitten Anna Steasya

Photobucket

Sabrina Chap and the Dirtiest Song Ever

Best.  Dr.  Sketchy’s.  Ever.

Before we get into everything, I’m going to tell you a Sabrina Chap-related story for no other reason than your entertainment.  Sabrina performed at the Palace of Wonders the Friday and Saturday night before our session, so Sunday afternoon she took the train up to Baltimore (in the same car as Ron Jeremy, no less) to give a talk at Red Emma’s and pose for Dr. Sketchy’s.  After meeting her at Penn Station and depositing her keyboard in our apartment, we followed her to Red Emma’s where she, being the talented woman of many hats that she is, gave a talk about a collection of essays she edited on self-destruction among creative women, Live Through This: On Creativity and Self-Destruction, with contributors from Bell Hooks to Annie Sprinkle to Hothead Paisan author Diane Dimassa.

Afterward, as is often the case, we thought a beer was called for (though I think Alexis had something with an umbrella in it) and headed down the street to the Hippo.  Upon entering, we drew the attention of probably the creepiest fellow I’ve ever seen.  The guy was obviously 3,482 sheets to the wind, had a scraggly beard that stuck out in all directions, unblinking googily eyes, a stare that could knock a nun out cold with its intent, and a lack of personal-space consciousness that honestly brought to mind too many marathons of Law & Order : SVU.

In other words, he got way up in our Kool-Aid.  I swear, if I find a photo of this fellow, I’m posting it and libel be damned.  Anyway, without a word, he plants himself within biting distance of Alexis and Sabrina.  I unfortunately failed in my boyfriend duties and noticed nothing, being distracted by a drunk friend-of-a-friend who had similar personal space issues involving my ass.  Sabrina was on top of it though and told the scraggly beard guy to buzz off.

He didn’t.  Stronger words were used, and after some confusion, I became aware of what was going on and we physically shoved him away from us, in theory resolving the issue.  He never said a word the entire time, but he did add some creepy finger-sucking toward the end, and settled onto a bar stool several seats behind Sabrina.

So, crisis averted, we relaxed with our beer and started our conversation of (this is paraphrased, mind you), “So, this is Baltimore!  At the moment, we’re in Mount Vernon, which is pretty much the center of —”

At this moment, chaos erupted as crazy-creepy-bearded guy whipped out his YOUKNOWWHAT, and attempted to hose everything and everyone in sight with pee.

Yes, I know Sabrina was a kick-ass model.  Yes, I know Sabrina was a kick-ass singer.  But what you didn’t know was that she’s apparently part ninja.  Little did I know, she’d been keeping a wary eye on crazy-creepy-bearded guy in the mirror and, with the reflexes of only someone about to be peed upon, dived out of the flight-path of  crazy-creepy-bearded-peeing guy’s water pistol.

Thankfully, two tight-shirted muscled bouncers grabbed the fellow and dragged him backward out the front door, still spraying like a burst fire hydrant.

Now, here’s the point of all this.  Baltimore has a bad reputation.  We all know it. When Viola Vixen of Brisbane, Australia posed for us, she told us her father had seen The Wire and was worried about her coming here.  We’re one of the car-theft capitals for the entire country.  Heroin, crack, and AIDS are more prevalent on our streets than newspaper boxes.

But.

BUT, for the love of God, can we have an out-of-town guest to our fair city, the city that BELIEVES, without someone TRYING TO PEE ON THEM AS SOON AS THEY GET HERE?

[clears throat]  Okay, that’s off my chest now.  Sabrina Chap, writer, performer, part-ninja, was amazing.

Our first contest of the evening was, as always, the opposite hand contest, where if you’re right-handed you draw with your left, if you’re left-handed you draw with your right, and if you’re ambidextrous you’re “that guy who ruins it for everyone”.  The two winners won a mystery concoction from Russell—they seem to be getting bigger, scarier, and tastier with each session.

For the second contest, we asked our artists to illustrate Sabrina’s songs as she played for them. Sabrina played three, two of which were from her album (which a lot of folks ended up purchasing).  The third song, which had only been written 2 weeks previous, had to be The.  Dirtiest.  Song.  Ever.

Take a listen.

Honestly, listen to it.  Anyways, I don’t think I’ve laughed that hard in years.  All discipline broke down in the room and all drawing pretty much stopped as we all probably collectively lost ten years off our lives from loss of oxygen to their brains due to wheezed laughter.

John Brewer

Bryce Homick

The winner got a Mini-Rooz Munny (third from the left) from our generous sponsor Atomic Books, which is at 3620 Falls Rd., just right off the Avenue.

Bryce Homick

Since we were in the gutter anyway, we figured we might as well stay there, so the next contest was best depiction of Ron Jeremy in an Amtrak commercial (as a nod to Sabrina’s fellow Amtrak passenger), with the winner getting a watercolor pad from Artist & Craftsman Supply, which is on the corner of North & Howard, just down the block from the Windup.

Brian Dugan

Our last contest of the evening was the tried-and-true “random noun” contest where people in the crowd call out random nouns until we find something sufficiently disturbing on which to base a contest. The noun for this session was ostrich.

Brian Dugan

The winner received Symptomatica by Ragnar from Baby Tattoo Books, who also run the L.A. branch of Dr. Sketchy’s, if you didn’t know.

Here’s a couple more drawings from the night . . .

John Brewer

Bryce Homick

Mike Hasson

Special thanks to Sabrina Chap for modeling and performing for us (and apologies for almost getting you peed on).  Thanks also go to our wonderful sponsors Atomic Books, Artist & Craftsman Supply, and Baby Tattoo Books for helping make this happen, and thanks as well to Bill for filming the Dr. Sketchy’s Baltimore documentary and guarding the door against the menacing pillow lady who wants all our beer, Jeff for providing the stunning photos you see above, Russell for tending bar and letting us use his amazing space, and to everyone who showed up to draw on Monday—we’re pretty sure you could take any other branch’s crowd in a fist fight any day of the week.

Our next Dr. Sketchy’s is March 8th with the lovely alternative fashion model, Nori Zay.

Photo by Sean Baker

Then, after that, we’ll have a special session of Dr. Sketchy’s on March 12th with Sugar Ann Spice and L’il Dutch at the G40: The Summit, an art exhibition at 223 23rd St., Arlington, VA 22202.

WAIT, two Dr. Sketchy’s in one week?  Yep, check out Art Whino website and we’ll give you some more info in a little bit.